What Is Gentle Parenting?

What Is Gentle Parenting

Ask any parent about their mystery to raise good kids with Gentle Parenting and they’ll tell you a thousand stories that can all be summed up in one takeaway: No one has it precisely all figured out. Parenting techniques that work for one family might not work for another. Plus, coming up in our parents’ shadows can present its own set of challenges that make us wonder if we’re growing our kids on the right pathway.

But the more we comprehend early childhood and adolescent growth, psychologists and pediatric healthcare professionals agree that a gentle parenting or positive parenting direction to raising kids is one of the most advantageous parenting strategies. It not only positively affects your child’s mental and emotional health, but it could also have lasting, long-term impacts on the relationship you’re building with them.

So, let’s know how gentle parenting is different from more traditional parenting styles and how it could positively influence your child’s future.

What is the gentle parenting style?

The goal of gentle parenting is to raise confident, independent, and happy children through compassion, respect, and understanding, and setting healthy peripheries. This parenting style concentrates largely on age-appropriate development.

Traditional parenting styles concentrate on punishment and reward. When your child does something good or shows good behavior, you award them with fun activities, treats, and positive feedback. If your child does something bad, though, they might get put in timeout, for instance, or you might spank them (a judgment doctors say you shouldn’t do).

Instead of concentrating on punishment and reward, gentle parenting focuses on improving a child’s self-awareness and acquaintance with their own behavior.

“The idea is to be more like a coach for your child rather than a punisher ” according to experts

For instance, let’s say you’re getting prepared to head out the door for work. You have to settle your child off at school or daycare on the way, but they’re pitching a temper tantrum. You’re worried you might be late to work duty and your patience is wearing thin.

In this system, a traditional parenting style might encourage you to scold them. “Stop acting silly and put on your shoes,” you might yell. “You’re acting stupid and you’re making me late for work! Wait until we get back from the job.”

Notice in this example that there are a lot of negative connotations occurring. You’re focused on your child’s activity and on the frustration, it’s causing you. By yelling, you’re investing a sense of fear in your kid, and now you both feel anxious or angry. Your child’s behavior may stop because they’ll acknowledge you as an authority figure; however, their behavior is likely to occur again.

“Kids don’t always comprehend that what they’re doing is wrong. They just stop their conduct because they’re afraid,”  “They don’t really comprehend why they should stop that behavior unless you describe why.”

A gentle approach would be to stay calm and firm ahead of time before escaping the house to set expectations. Instead of yelling or starting with the contrary, you might take a pause and meet your kid where they’re at. Maybe you get down to eye-level, and say calmly, “I’m going to drop you off at school or childcare, and then I’m going to the workplace. We ought to leave on time. I expect you to be ready with your shoes on at the door when I’m willing to leave. If you’re not ready, then we’ll both be late and I will feel sore. If I get angry, you will lose liberties.”

Another process would be to say, “When you don’t get ready on time, it hurts my senses and makes me anxious. Why are you having a hard time?”

When you hover over the situation in this way, you’re exhibiting empathy and consideration for how your child is feeling, and you’re giving them a possibility to process their own behavior and hold themselves accountable. By remaining calm, you’re also giving your child the space to identify how you respond to conflict and giving them the opportunity to turn their behavior around. A significant part of this strategy, then, is setting up anticipations in advance, planning on how to respond if your child exhibits negative behavior and the ways you can manage it peacefully.

“Gentle parenting is about accepting a break as a parent and, instead of yelling or shouting, you’re attempting to support your kids understand what is happening,” “In routine, it sounds right, but it can be inquiring for parents because when conflict occurs, you’re angry and you want to respond right away.”

Pros and cons of gentle parenting

Gentle parenting presents a unique set of challenges that need you to rewire how you think about raising your kids and the manner you handle conflict and expectations. Here are some pros and cons to consider when taking the gentle parenting method.

A gentle parenting style helps kids learn how to empathize

With gentle parenting, you center how their efforts directly impact how you feel. This leads them to the same lessons about consequences that traditional parenting styles have, except with an emphasis on feeling. As your child learns how they’re making you sense, they’re also seeing how you’re reacting to them.

“Gentle parenting for that cause  helps kids down the line comprehend and ask themselves, ‘Is this behavior going to give me a good consequence or not?’”  “Kids learn a lot by spoofing their parents. If they know their parents react to specialties by yelling and screaming when they’re agitated, kids will answer the same way because they think it’s OK.”

Gentle parenting can be a motivational tool

On one hand, if you only concentrate on correcting bad behavior, you’re missing out on the capacity to instill motivational behavior. Think of gentle parenting as coaching a match: If your kid is having a hard time passing the ball, keeping up with teammates or doing a good appointment, you would work with them to figure out what strategies work best and how to help them improve their game. The same thing goes for parenting: If your child is having problems with aggression, talking back, or following laws, what are some small ways you can redirect their priority to help them get on the right track?

“If you’re a coach and an advocate for your child, you would answer by saying, ‘OK, you can do this. I know this is difficult but we’re going to assist you. You’re clearly upset, so I’m going to provide you some time until you calm down and we can speak again,’ “That assists them to build a little more of their personality and knowing that even though this is a provisional challenge, they can overcome it with your assistance.”

This parenting approach is time-consuming

Gentle parenting requires two things:

Your child ought to be self-aware to process their emotions and behavior.

You have to be patient enough to devote time toward understanding your child and getting to know your child better.

“This is a little bit harsh because parents might be performing a lot or their children are in daycare or school or at the grandparents’, so there may be a stronger relationship with other caregivers,” 

Not to be confounded with helicopter parenting, gentle parenting demands you to be heavily involved in helping your child question, examine and process their behavior rather than taking over for them. Finding the time to instill acceptable behavior from a young age becomes more and more profitable the more you follow this parenting strategy through the years. But if you start with this technique later in life or struggle to find time throughout the day to instill these lessons, it can be more challenging to achieve.

You have to unlearn a lot of behavior and set healthy boundaries

Part of gentle parenting is determinating what are the triggers that set off your child’s bad behavior. Do they have trouble getting ready because they’re just not a morning individual, are they afraid of going to school, or is it something else? Then, you have to determine your own triggers.

“Another challenge is overwhelming how we were presented and trying not to mirror the parenting talents of our parents,” “You have to step back and say, ‘it’s OK, as a youngster, that reaction my parents had only caused fear,’ or ‘I don’t think my parents’ actions allowed me down the line, so let’s try a different approach.’”

Recognizing what works for you and breaking away from the norm can be a new start for putting healthy boundaries in place. In this method, when you get angry or stressed, you’re able to really take a step back and think before you act.

There’s a misunderstanding that you’ll be viewed as a friend and not an authoritative figure

One of the biggest fears about gentle parenting circles around the idea that you might be seen more as a friend than a parental figure. This belief that you won’t be taken extremely is actually misleading.

“There’s this misconception that gentle parenting provides more freedom to your youngster and lets your kid do whatever they want,” “It’s more about saying, ‘Let’s work together to attempt to assist you to improve your behavior and help you develop the skills you require to manage more difficult situations down the line.’”

And instead of your child responding from fear, your child is more possible to react with empathy and mutual understanding.

Tips for a successful gentle parenting experience

Here are some tips to get you started on the route toward gentle parenting.

Set anticipations with family, friends, school members, and colleagues

You want to make it clear that you’ve assumed a gentle parenting approach. By doing this, you’re getting every adult who interacts with your kid on board with the idea. You can do this by clarifying expectations on a case-by-case basis to teachers, peers, friends, babysitters, and extended family members.

Expectations are also significant for your child to know upfront. If you’re having dinner every day at 6 p.m. and phones are needed to be off or out of the room at that time, then any deviation from that behavior is understood in advancement.

“This technique, your whole family is on the same page and you’re dealing with what the expectations are for every occasion as well as what the consequences will be,”.

Stay calm and remain positive

Studies show that in order to promote differences in positive behavior, you have to praise your child four more times than you give negative feedback.

“Even in circumstances where you may be arguing with somebody, you want to endeavor to be calm so your kids will recognize that it’s better to be peaceful instead of yelling or screaming,”.

Plan ahead for negative behavior

Knowing how you want to react to possibilities before they occur is good, especially if you don’t want to be reactive at the moment. For instance, if you’re taking your kid grocery shopping, think about how you’ll react and what you’ll do if they get upset when you don’t buy the toy or snack they want. Having an internal plan in place will assist you to take a step back in the moment and responding calmly and efficiently.

“The more you do this, the more these determinations will become internalized and feel more natural to you,”.

Be consistent with setting limits

Try to stick to the program. If bedtime is always at 8 p.m., try not to differ from that. If you put your foot down on a judgment, stand your ground. The more consistent you are, the more your child will comprehend and respect your expectations for their behavior.

“If you set very transparent perimeters, I think in the long run, it will be shorter time-consuming,”.

Work together as a team

Ask reflective questions like “Why are you reacting this way?” and “Do you know how this makes me sense?” when negative behavior appears. This will assist your child to relate to how you’re feeling. From there, you can both talk about outcomes and results, what’s triggering for them and what’s activating for you, and how these all play a part in your relationship.

Studies show that this mutual understanding and team strategy for parenting increases a child’s sense of attachment to their parents. This greater sense of attachment is then associated with fewer depressive signs and greater levels of gratitude and forgiveness later in life.

How do you know if gentle parenting is right for you?

You won’t always be successful right away with a gentle parenting practice. It’ll take time and patience to welcome this style of parenting and to reap the benefits — for you and your child. In part, gentle parenting demands a level of conscious parenting, or the ability to check in with yourself and consider what kind of parent you want to be and how you want to be received. If you’re committed to this parenting technique, or you’re interested in how to get started, you can always check in with your pediatrician for advice, too.

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